growing up

Before I came to Samoa I was a grown up
When I was 18 I graduated from high school and moved away from my parents. My dad always called going to college a way for parents to pay for their children to run away from home. I have always thought of leaving as being such an amazing decision as I was able to learn to fend for myself (even though my family has always helped me out through any hardship I may have encountered). It never stopped me from loving my family, instead I think it made me feel closer to them as I appreciated them a whole lot more.
The Samoan family is a whole lot different than what we are used to in America. I remember a few years ago when I was visiting my parents and I asked my father if I could spend some time with friends later in that evening. He looked at me with kind of a laugh and replied, “You know it doesn’t really matter what I think you are going to do it anyway.” Which was kind of true. I have always asked permission to do things but my parents knew they could never really stop me as they have raised me to be independent which is the best gift they could have given me. Right before I was about to leave for Samoa I went to visit my family twice (I still had to work, and had to space out my visits for that purpose). During my first visit, I decided to take a trip to D.C to visit some friends. I thought it would be a nice trip to take with my brother before I left. My parents did not really want me to go, but they knew that going to see others was important to me, so not only did they approve of me going, but my father also let me borrow his car for the few days, which made him use the bus.
In Samoan families, the structure is completely different. As long as you are staying on your family’s compound, you need to abide by their rules. That means if you want to take a trip to the city to buy some groceries for the family, you need to make sure you ask dad if you can go first. You need to wake up when you are told to, clean when you are told to, pretty much do everything when asked. It does not matter how old you are, because you still are you parent’s fanou (offspring) and need to show your respect to them.
My brother who is in his early thirties decided to hop on the bus with a friend just to go for a ride. He wanted to keep his friend, the bus driver, company. However, he did not ask permission first, and because of that all of the oldest children were brought together to be scolded for one person’s actions.
I am stuck in the middle of this weird world where I am not sure of my place. I know how I have been living and I know what I have been seeing in Samoa for the past two months. I also know the regulations of Peace Corps to ensure our safety.
Peace Corps made a book for our host parents stating the rules for us to ensure our safety. They apparently made it pretty clear in the document that the family was in charge of my safety and to make sure nothing bad happens to us.
Although it was extremely nice for Peace Corps to make this document for our benefit, it somehow made it harder in some aspects. I hate to say it, but many families in Samoa are uneducated and rarely are these documents read. I was placed with a very educated family and so the whole thing was read (probably twice). The rules we were given is that if we are gone away from our site over night we need to inform the office so that way they know about our whereabouts in case of an emergency. If it is longer than one night we need to fill out a form as it is taking away our vacation time.
A few of us decided to meet up to spend Chanukkah together. My host parents were away for the day that we planned and my sister mentioned it to my host father while I was at dance practice. My father was extremely worried about me first off for being out at night and informed me that the group leaders themselves need to come pick me up to ensure I arrive wherever I need to be safely.
I was then questioned about the trip I planned. I explained a little about Chanukkah and how it is a week long holiday that started just about when we arrived in our villages. Because of the miscommunication because of the language barrier, he was under the assumption that I would be gone for a full week and wanted to know why I hadn’t told him about this prior. I tried to explain that we wanted to celebrate it either on the Monday or Friday (the last day) night. But because my family in Savai’i goes to church on Saturday we decided so do something on Monday night so I would be able to go to church that week.
My dad was very concerned about Peace Corps knowing about my whereabouts. From what he read in the manual, Peace Corps said they would let him know whenever they needed me to leave site, and he was not informed of this instance. I tried to explain how we are allowed to go for one night as long as they are contacted. He told me to contact them, and have them call him.
The next morning, on a Monday I called (I did not want to disturb anyone’s Sunday for such a minor thing). I talked to my assistant country director and told him where I was planning to be, and the reason why. He said that is no problem and was happy that I contacted him on this manner. I then asked him if he would be willing to call my host dad to let him know you approved of my whereabouts (just like my tama had requested). I think he was confused as he has never gotten that request before. He told me that it is my responsibility to do so.
I tried calling my tama, but he was unavailable and I left a message. I left the phone numbers for Peace Corps with my sister so she could contact them in an event of an emergency. The whole time I was travelling I was nervous that I was breaking the rules with my tama and going to lose his trust.
That night we had a great time celebrating and catching up on life, but I still had the nerves for dealing with my dad the next day. I kept texting my sister and she said not to worry. One of the Peace Corps girls I was with was laughing at the situation.
It is quite comical. I was an adult in America for many years. Then I come to Samoa, and at the age of 26 am back to acting like a teenager.
I am still confused over how to handle these kind of situations because it is strange seeing all of these worlds collide as I wonder how to go through life.